kissing john

(no subject)

hey guys, i wanted to quote what whomever it was said about justin timberlake being hit in the face with the lunch meat on the best week ever that i just saw today (i am not sure if it was actually the one for this week or not...)

but he said something like:

if you bring sexy back and dont tell anyone where you took it or what you did with it, youre going to get slapped in the face with lunch meat...

does anyone know if this was quoted right? and who said it?

thanks :)
  • ucbinfo

UCBTLA: VH1's RACHAEL HARRIS guest monologist at ASSSSCAT Saturday, 12/17 at 8pm

She's smart. She's funny. And this Saturday she will be at the UCB Theatre.

Pop culture pundit Rachael Harris will be joining us fresh from the hot seat of VH1 to be the guest monologist on our stage this Saturday. Based on an audience suggestion, Rachael will tell impromptu monologues which will inspire the Upright Citizens Brigade and friends (including performers from Mad TV, Late Night with Conan O'Brien and other VH1 pundits) as they do a fully improvised, never-been-seen-before, never-to-be-seen-again show.

And you thought Saturdays were so over.

ASSSSCAT with Rachael Harris
Saturday, December 17th at 8pm ($8)
make reservations online now

Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
5919 Franklin Avenue, Hollywood, CA 90028 | 323.908.8702
ALL AGES | street parking | valet only $3.50

  • ucbinfo

more UCBTLA shows with Paul Scheer

Paul Scheer and Jack McBrayer

Paul is in LA for good and will be a more regular fixture at UCBTLA. Be sure to check him out in these upcoming shows:

Have you ever wanted to be on a game show?... Here's your chance!

Culture Vultures is a fast-paced pop culture game show that combines elements of Jeopardy, Double Dare and Remote Control. Contestants battle together to see who knows more useless facts and trivia about everything from the Lost castaways to R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet." In addition to showing off their trivia prowess, every contestant also has to perform along side our sketch performers in specially designed performance challenges. When it's all over there will only be one true Culture Vulture.

6 people will be chosen from the audience! Plus prizes!

BEAST is a monthly show with a new theme each month.

Featuring: Paul Scheer, Jack McBrayer, Owen Burke and more!

  • BEAST presents: Culture Vultures
    Wednesday, November 16 at 9:30pm ($5)
    Make reservations online now!


    Does your Myspace profile rule or suck?
    How many friends do you have?
    Who is the weirdest one?
    Have you ever gotten laid because of your profile?

    These are just a few of the questions we ask in an interactive improv form where we examine the MySpace profiles of 3 different audience members and create long form scenes based on the information explored with them.

    My Space. Your Space. Our Space.

    Bring your screenname and see if you measure up!

    Performed by the Gunslingers: Owen Burke, Chad Carter, Rob Huebel, Rob Riggle, and Paul Scheer

  • My Space
    Monday, November 21 at 9:30pm ($5)
    Make reservations online now!

    Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
    5919 Franklin Avenue, Hollywood, CA 90028 | 323.908.8702
    ALL AGES | street parking | valet only $3.50
    • ucbinfo

    Paul Scheer on LIVE talk show in LA!

    Paul Scheer makes a triumphant return to LA in THE KING OF TV SHOW at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in Los Angeles this Thursday, October 13 at 8pm! Tickets only FIVE DOLLARS!

    The King of TV Show, hosted by Paul Goebel (the King himself) uses a talk show format to interview famous faces from tv, past and present. The interviews provide little-known facts about these celebrities, stories from their lives and a chance to "meet" them in an informal setting. David Cross says, "I had a great time."

    THE KING OF TV SHOW at the
    Thursday, October 13 at 8pm ($5)

    RANDY ("Emergency") MANTOOTH
    ANDY ("Less than Perfect") DICK
    SHERRI ("Less than Perfect") SHEPHERD
    ANDREA ("Less than Perfect") PARKER
    PAUL ("Best Week Ever") SCHEER
    GRAHAM ("Kent Stryker") ELWOOD

    co-host JIM BRUCE

    Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
    5919 Franklin Avenue
    Hollywood, CA 90028

    make reservations online now at
    tickets only $5 | all ages | street parking | valet only $3.50

    Keep an eye on our online schedule as Paul and other Best Week Ever favorites regularly perform at our new LA theatre.
    • ucbinfo

    Benson, Fitzsimmons, Tompkins at UCBTLA!

    This Tuesday, September 20 at 8:30pm, three of your Best Week Ever favorites share the stage at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in Los Angeles. Doug Benson, Greg Fitzsimmons and Paul F. Tompkins are just three comics in UCB Theatre's next Comedy Death-Ray (dubbed the "it stand-up night" by LA Weekly). All ages! Tickets only five dollars!


    Tuesday, September 20 at 8:30pm ($5)

    Graham Elwood's "JOKE-JITSU!"

    This Tuesday, prepare yourself for an evening combining the martial arts and comedy! Join Graham and his trusty aide HAWK in a fast-fisted night that Paul F. Tompkins calls "delightfully irritating!" This you won't want to miss!

    With his special guests...

    Paul F. TOMPKINS!
    Doug BENSON!
    Chris FAIRBANKS!
    Michelle BILOON!

    Also! Dropins? Extra-special guests? You never know with CDR!

    Reserve tickets now >>

    Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre |
    5919 Franklin Avenue, Hollywood CA 90028 | 323.908.8702
    • ucbinfo

    they can't do this on tv...

    At the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in Los Angeles:

    For two nights only, see Best Week Ever's top panelists slice and dice their way through the week's big stories in pop culture. They won't have the crutch of basic cable production values -- it's nothing but raw nerve and sharp wit live on stage.

    Monday, August 15 at 8pm ($5)
    Starring: Doug Benson, Paul Scheer, Danielle Schneider and Paul F. Tompkins

    Wednesday, August 17 at 11pm ($5)
    Starring: Christian Finnegan, Greg Fitzsimmons, Paul Scheer and Danielle Schneider

    Reserve tickets now >>

    Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre |
    5919 Franklin Avenue, Hollywood CA 90028 | 323.908.8702
    skinny guys

    (no subject)

    here are my favorite jokes of the most recent episodes (not quotes cause my memory's not thaaat good :P)

    --there's jessica alba, jessica biel, baby jessica from the well--she has to be 18 by now. (for nick because of his alleged marriage troubles with jessica)

    --unless you've been trapped under geraldo rivera's mustache all day... (i think that's his name...)

    --(referring to jen's joke about billy idol wanting his style back from brad) david spade called and his wants his joke back
    SNL: Aidy Bryant – Adele covers L.A. Law

    (no subject)

    Are there any torrents out there for BWE episodes? I just moved out of my dorm and don't have cable in my new home, so torrents would be handy.

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